Children & Emotional Intelligence

It seems the world is abuzz with this word 'EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE'. Emotional intelligence or EI or EQ is defined as ability to recognize, understand and manage emotions. Not only our emotions but others too. Now, why EI is so critical and important? Why do we need to focus on this? As an adult with high EI skills, we are able to understand how other people feel as well as our own emotions. We are able to regulate our emotions and willing to openly discuss about it. We can also identify our feelings and find source of our problems. 

Now, why do kids need to be equipped with EI skills? If we want them to grow into a healthy adult both physically and emotionally we have to pay importance to these skills. Children need to be taught how to express their feelings and understand others' emotions. This is one of the critical skills for survival.

How can we nurture EI skills ?

Control your own emotion
Be a role model. Take charge of your own emotions. Show your kids that you are calm in any circumstances. Any outburst of anger need to be handled separately without the kids' presence.

Talk to your kids
This is very important task as a parent. Listen attentively to them as they talk. Make sure there is no distraction. Concentrate fully to their conversation. This shows them that you are interested in knowing everything about them and you care about them too. Their stories can be boring to us, all you need to do is acknowledge with 'mmm' or 'okay'.

Don't deny kids' feelings
Accept their feelings as they voice it out. Try to name their emotions, sad, excited, happy, upset etc. Often, we tend to correct them because we always think we are right. We may be right but it is important to openly accept their feelings before attempting to make them understand our opinions. One day, my 7 years old daughter came back telling me, "Mummy, I have something to tell you". I was tempted to snap and say, "Okay, what did you do this time?". Instead, in a calm voice, I asked her why. She said her newly bought purse's string came off. She looked sad. I wanted to say, "There you go, you never know how to take care of your stuffs!". But, I did not say it. I hugged her and said I understand she feels sad and told her I will fix it for her. She was excited. Later, she told me, she was playing with the purse with her niece and the string came off. I advised her that she should take care of her stuffs well because the next time she spoils something, she has to use her own savings to buy it. 

Teach the kids empathy
While it is vital to share each other's feelings, kids also must be taught to be compassionate. Explain to them the importance of understanding feelings of other people. It is not limited just to people around them, but also to pets. Expose them to different situations where they need to be caring. This will allow them to be less "selfish" and start thinking of others too. Kids sometimes forget that they are in a big world with many people. Bring them to visit the less fortunate, encourage them to participate in charity drives and help them to collect donations. 

In Asian countries, we have heard of teens' and young adults suicide cases due to relationship issues, stress in school and etc. While mental development is extremely important, mastering EI skills helps and supports to shape our kids' better future.