"Children are ones wealth indeed
Their wealth is measured by their deed"
This quote is very deep and reminds us to stop taking pride of show casing our children to others. You can have many children but to raise each of them with good attitudes and behaviors is always a challenge. It does not matter how much have you spent on them providing the best of education but if they do not know how to show gratitude, respect and manners then consider yourself failed in parenting.
SOME GOLDEN THOUGHTS TO PONDER :-
(words by the famous poet, Thiruvalluvar)
1. If your child lies to you often, it is because you over-react too harshly to their inappropriate behavior.
2. If your child is not taught to confide in you about their mistakes, you've lost them.
3. If your child had poor self-esteem, it is because you advice them more than you encourage them.
4. If your child does not stand up for themselves, it is because from a young age you have disciplined them regularly in public.
5. If your child takes things that do not belong to them, it is because when you buy them things, you don't let them chose what they want.
6. If your child is cowardly, it is because you help them too quickly.
7. If your child does not respect other people's feelings, it is because instead of speaking to your child, you order and command them.
8. If your child is too quick to anger, it is because you give too much attention to misbehavior and you give little attention to good behavior.
9. If your child is excessively jealous, it is because you only congratulate them when they successfully complete something and not when they improve at something even if they don't successfully complete it.
10. If your child intentionally disturbs you, it is because you are not physically affectionate enough.
11. If your child is openly defied, it is because you openly threaten to do something but don't follow through.
My favorite one would be number 6. In this modern world, very often we 'love' our kids too much. We pamper them too much and try to 'provide' them with everything they need instantly. We often fail to realize we need to 'guide' them to survive or else they will fail miserably. We need to equip them with lessons, tips and tricks to manage their lives by themselves. This does not come easy especially when we as parents think or perceive our kids should not suffer like how we did. Teach them how to wash dishes after they are done with lunch or dinner. Ask them to make their own beds and arrange their toys. Let them help you to clean the house. Tell them it is their responsibility as a child. Help them to understand nothing comes easy to us and nothing will come easy for them too. It is important that they know their parents are there to support them when they fall. At the same time, we should not feed them everything they need. Make them to earn it, you will be suprised how creative can they be!
Monday, September 21, 2015
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Thru A Child's Eyes
Couple of weeks ago, during my routine walk to office, my eyes caught this sight. It was unavoidable. No one can go without noticing it. First time I saw it, my heart wrenched in pain. I kept playing the sight in my mind. And I kept asking, why, why, why?
In a corner of walkaway, there sat one lady with a child. The toddler must be not more than 3 years old. They were beggars. The first time I looked into her eyes, I saw something which I cannot describe. Our eyes were locked for few seconds. I wanted to probe to find out more, who are they? why are they here? What caused them this misery?
I saw the pain, anguish and sadness in the two small eyes. I felt very upset why God has created such situation. Two extreme worlds. I remember when my daughter was her age she was one happy,cheerful little girl with no boundaries. At that tender age all she knew was to play. Showered with love and care by people all around her. Each moment with her is priceless. We are so blessed to have her and to see her growing up. In contrary with what this little girl is going thru. I can't imagine what kind of environment is she is growing up? Who are her parents ? Why is she left in lurch by them ? It is heart breaking to see kids in this conditions.
In fact there are a lot of them. Unfortunate ones in war torn countries and poverty. No answers for these miseries. Mankind who are too greedy. Chasing after power. They are placing these kids at stake. God is merciless ? We have not found an answer.
In a corner of walkaway, there sat one lady with a child. The toddler must be not more than 3 years old. They were beggars. The first time I looked into her eyes, I saw something which I cannot describe. Our eyes were locked for few seconds. I wanted to probe to find out more, who are they? why are they here? What caused them this misery?
I saw the pain, anguish and sadness in the two small eyes. I felt very upset why God has created such situation. Two extreme worlds. I remember when my daughter was her age she was one happy,cheerful little girl with no boundaries. At that tender age all she knew was to play. Showered with love and care by people all around her. Each moment with her is priceless. We are so blessed to have her and to see her growing up. In contrary with what this little girl is going thru. I can't imagine what kind of environment is she is growing up? Who are her parents ? Why is she left in lurch by them ? It is heart breaking to see kids in this conditions.
In fact there are a lot of them. Unfortunate ones in war torn countries and poverty. No answers for these miseries. Mankind who are too greedy. Chasing after power. They are placing these kids at stake. God is merciless ? We have not found an answer.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Recognizing Kids' Freedom
Last week, my 7 year old daughter came to me and said, "Mummy, mummy, I want to make a book!". "Make a book ?! How you are going to do it?", I asked her, suprised. In my mind I was thinking how could a child come up with a book. She explained to me she that needs colored papers. I said okay. I used to buy A4 sized papers of few colors for art and craft purpose.
She asked if she could have of those papers. I said okay and told her she can take one of it. But then she wanted more! I told her she cannot waste those papers and she cannot take more than one. She turned her face and seemed upset. Then, it strikes me if I want my child to explore with freedom then I must to give her opportunities to do so! They are like little adults with their own feelings and needs.
So, I nodded and told her she can do whatever she want with the papers. So she happily took the papers and started to do her work. With some cuttings and writings finally she was satisfied and showed me her piece of work. What I saw was a 'book' from a kid's perspective. She read out for me the 'story'. I was quite amazed how she could think of such story line. It was hilarious and funny although it has lots of grammatical mistakes. But, for a first 'book' , I guess mistakes are allowed.
Sometimes, without realizing, we tend to create boundaries for them. With many restrictions by saying, "Don't do that!, don't do this!". But, instead, we should assess the situation and allow them to do so if it is okay. Let them to explore, exhibit the qualities and values within them.
She asked if she could have of those papers. I said okay and told her she can take one of it. But then she wanted more! I told her she cannot waste those papers and she cannot take more than one. She turned her face and seemed upset. Then, it strikes me if I want my child to explore with freedom then I must to give her opportunities to do so! They are like little adults with their own feelings and needs.
So, I nodded and told her she can do whatever she want with the papers. So she happily took the papers and started to do her work. With some cuttings and writings finally she was satisfied and showed me her piece of work. What I saw was a 'book' from a kid's perspective. She read out for me the 'story'. I was quite amazed how she could think of such story line. It was hilarious and funny although it has lots of grammatical mistakes. But, for a first 'book' , I guess mistakes are allowed.
Sometimes, without realizing, we tend to create boundaries for them. With many restrictions by saying, "Don't do that!, don't do this!". But, instead, we should assess the situation and allow them to do so if it is okay. Let them to explore, exhibit the qualities and values within them.
So called a 'book cover'
'Story oh story!'
Friday, July 17, 2015
Children & Emotional Intelligence
It seems the world is abuzz with this word 'EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE'. Emotional intelligence or EI or EQ is defined as ability to recognize, understand and manage emotions. Not only our emotions but others too. Now, why EI is so critical and important? Why do we need to focus on this? As an adult with high EI skills, we are able to understand how other people feel as well as our own emotions. We are able to regulate our emotions and willing to openly discuss about it. We can also identify our feelings and find source of our problems.
Now, why do kids need to be equipped with EI skills? If we want them to grow into a healthy adult both physically and emotionally we have to pay importance to these skills. Children need to be taught how to express their feelings and understand others' emotions. This is one of the critical skills for survival.
How can we nurture EI skills ?
Control your own emotion
Be a role model. Take charge of your own emotions. Show your kids that you are calm in any circumstances. Any outburst of anger need to be handled separately without the kids' presence.
Talk to your kids
This is very important task as a parent. Listen attentively to them as they talk. Make sure there is no distraction. Concentrate fully to their conversation. This shows them that you are interested in knowing everything about them and you care about them too. Their stories can be boring to us, all you need to do is acknowledge with 'mmm' or 'okay'.
Don't deny kids' feelings
Accept their feelings as they voice it out. Try to name their emotions, sad, excited, happy, upset etc. Often, we tend to correct them because we always think we are right. We may be right but it is important to openly accept their feelings before attempting to make them understand our opinions. One day, my 7 years old daughter came back telling me, "Mummy, I have something to tell you". I was tempted to snap and say, "Okay, what did you do this time?". Instead, in a calm voice, I asked her why. She said her newly bought purse's string came off. She looked sad. I wanted to say, "There you go, you never know how to take care of your stuffs!". But, I did not say it. I hugged her and said I understand she feels sad and told her I will fix it for her. She was excited. Later, she told me, she was playing with the purse with her niece and the string came off. I advised her that she should take care of her stuffs well because the next time she spoils something, she has to use her own savings to buy it.
Teach the kids empathy
While it is vital to share each other's feelings, kids also must be taught to be compassionate. Explain to them the importance of understanding feelings of other people. It is not limited just to people around them, but also to pets. Expose them to different situations where they need to be caring. This will allow them to be less "selfish" and start thinking of others too. Kids sometimes forget that they are in a big world with many people. Bring them to visit the less fortunate, encourage them to participate in charity drives and help them to collect donations.
In Asian countries, we have heard of teens' and young adults suicide cases due to relationship issues, stress in school and etc. While mental development is extremely important, mastering EI skills helps and supports to shape our kids' better future.
Now, why do kids need to be equipped with EI skills? If we want them to grow into a healthy adult both physically and emotionally we have to pay importance to these skills. Children need to be taught how to express their feelings and understand others' emotions. This is one of the critical skills for survival.
How can we nurture EI skills ?
Control your own emotion
Be a role model. Take charge of your own emotions. Show your kids that you are calm in any circumstances. Any outburst of anger need to be handled separately without the kids' presence.
Talk to your kids
This is very important task as a parent. Listen attentively to them as they talk. Make sure there is no distraction. Concentrate fully to their conversation. This shows them that you are interested in knowing everything about them and you care about them too. Their stories can be boring to us, all you need to do is acknowledge with 'mmm' or 'okay'.
Don't deny kids' feelings
Accept their feelings as they voice it out. Try to name their emotions, sad, excited, happy, upset etc. Often, we tend to correct them because we always think we are right. We may be right but it is important to openly accept their feelings before attempting to make them understand our opinions. One day, my 7 years old daughter came back telling me, "Mummy, I have something to tell you". I was tempted to snap and say, "Okay, what did you do this time?". Instead, in a calm voice, I asked her why. She said her newly bought purse's string came off. She looked sad. I wanted to say, "There you go, you never know how to take care of your stuffs!". But, I did not say it. I hugged her and said I understand she feels sad and told her I will fix it for her. She was excited. Later, she told me, she was playing with the purse with her niece and the string came off. I advised her that she should take care of her stuffs well because the next time she spoils something, she has to use her own savings to buy it.
Teach the kids empathy
While it is vital to share each other's feelings, kids also must be taught to be compassionate. Explain to them the importance of understanding feelings of other people. It is not limited just to people around them, but also to pets. Expose them to different situations where they need to be caring. This will allow them to be less "selfish" and start thinking of others too. Kids sometimes forget that they are in a big world with many people. Bring them to visit the less fortunate, encourage them to participate in charity drives and help them to collect donations.
In Asian countries, we have heard of teens' and young adults suicide cases due to relationship issues, stress in school and etc. While mental development is extremely important, mastering EI skills helps and supports to shape our kids' better future.
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